Origins:
Galileo thought Mars was inhabited by canal-builders. In fact his early telescope was bent and he was looking at Venice
Exoplanet K2-18b:
Now scientists say they really have found a planet with life - though it is only farting plankton
Solar wind:
Though it may have been this
Goldilocks zone:
There may also be bears
Spectroscopic analysis:
Analysis by scientists wearing glasses
Exo-plankton:
Trump supporters are clamouring for a mission to K2-18b as at last they would be the most intelligent life on the planet
124 light years:
It would take 124 years travelling at the speed of light to reach. The problem is that, in that time, there is every chance the plankton could evolve to be more intelligent than the average Trump supporter
Extraterrestrial intelligence:
Plummeted briefly during Katy Perry’s trip on Blue Origin
Little green men:
Sexist aliens
Greys:
Old little green men
UAPs:
Senior-citizen little green men
Martian:
Elon Musk, soon, hopefully
Jovian:
Alien with big hair and spandex trousers
Venusian:
Bless you
Abduction:
When people are mysteriously taken away in the middle of the night, drugged, and subjected to invasive analysis. Also called US immigration policy
Raygun:
Weapon that induces embarrassingly bad breakdancing
Wow signal:
Super-powerful radio signal detected in 1977. It is now believed to be a desperate plea from deep space for humanity to stop Donald Trump before it got too late
“Take me to your leader”:
Swiftly followed by: “You have got to be fucking joking!”
Drake equation:
Designed to estimate how many ducks there are on walls in the universe
Conclusion:
So where the fuck IS everyone?