Hostile environment:
Antarctica is in the news because it is a dangerous place when you’re banged up in a permanent blizzard with no hope of rescue alongside a murderous colleague who has just flipped because they CAN’T FUCKING STAND THE WAY YOU DRINK YOUR TEA ANY MORE!!!
Snowmobile:
How you call home pleading to be rescued.
Location:
Antarctica is a long way from anywhere at the bottom of the world because of the weight of all the ice.
History:
Myths about a barren southern land date back to antiquity. Then the Isle of Wight was discovered.
Magnetic South Pole:
It proved very attractive to Shackleton, Scott, Amundsen and many others.
Ice sheet:
What Captain Scott slept under.
Captain Oates:
His famous last words to Scott were: “Can we have an inside toilet next time?”
Antarctic Circle:
Group of people sewing mittens to while away the boredom.
Southern Lights:
Cigarettes designed not to harm the Antarctic environment. It’s hard to give up when there’s nothing else to do.
Antarctic Treaty:
Cakey.
McMurdo Sound:
Type of music that tops the Antarctic charts. Features “What’s Love Scott To Do With It”, “A Whiter Shade of Pole”, and far too many numbers by Coldplay.
Driest continent:
There’s no alcohol in Antarctica. Which is a shame given the availability of ice.
Weddell Sea:
So named because of the penguins that weddell around it.
Emperor Penguin:
The only penguin that breeds in Antarctica. This makes him very busy. It also explains why he weddells.
Ice Station Zebra:
Ill-advised pet.
Conclusion:
Antarctica is melting, so sea levels are rising. Soon the Isle of Wight will be just a scary legend again.